Monday, August 09, 2010

Finding Balance In Our Marriage

Our Saturday started out a bit rocky. We woke up that morning and as what usually happens, Peter would beg for a few more minutes to lie in bed while I get up and start my day with chores like cleaning around the house, sweeping the floor, preparing laundry, etc. When he's up, he starts watching TV while I slave away around the house. It's been the melody of our marriage for as long as I can remember. And many times this year, this stark difference in the way we do things really started bothering me. I used to think I do everything around the house while Peter just lazes around doing nothing. If he did something, it's because I told him to. I felt like a mother nagging her son and I didn't feel good about it.

Until... we had this really serious talk and Peter pointed out all the things he didn't like about me. Like why everything has to be on my schedule or my way, why I get to be so mean to him, why I don't appreciate him, etc. etc. Naturally, this put me on a defensive stance but I learned how to keep my cool and really listen. He told me that it's not that he doesn't know what to do around the house because he does. Unlike me, he just needs time to get his system going at the start of the day. Unlike me, he's not an energizer bunny. Unlike me, he needs to feel loved and appreciated in order for him to be more productive (as for me, the more negativity I feel, the more empowered I am to do more than I have or need to). He wants to be able to work on his own time. And if I do remind him about his assignments at home, I shouldn't get mad about the fact that I am reminding him. Ahhh... the joys of marriage. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to marry someone who is more like me.

But then again, when I think about it, our partnership is almost perfect. My weaknesses are his strengths and vice versa. He drives the cars, he practically does the groceries while I just wheel the cart around or stay at home, he pays for the bills (I hate going to banks and payment centers unless I really, really have to), he takes out the trash (yuck!), he cleans all three toilets whenever our village utility guy is not around, he does the laundry of all heavy stuff like the comforters and blankets and he's the one who attends association meetings in our village (I'm not that friendly here in our village and as much as possible I don't like going out of the house). So yeah, If I did marry someone like me, I think it would be a complete disaster since we'd be repelling each other.

So anyway, after that serious talk we had, I began to see the light. Peter is not me and I'm not him. Men are indeed from Mars and women are from Venus. But if I just continue to see where he is coming from, accept his weaknesses and maximize his strengths, then this marriage would soar greater heights, not just in terms of domestic stuff but in other matters too.

True enough, our relationship did get a lot better after that. If normally I'd let him do his stuff while I seethe at home, last Saturday I accompanied him to Bulacan to show a prospective buyer our house. We left Bulacan in 2002 after Mama died and since then, we just had it rented until Ondoy hit Luzon last October 2009, our tenants evacuated the property, and we haven't had the chance to take care of it. I was imagining the worst, like the house filled with knee-deep mud from the flood that subsided, the wooden doors damaged and bloated, and all sorts of unimaginable things like what I saw on TV of those houses devastated by Ondoy. But when we got there, the house still looks okay. It's not clean of course, with trash scattered everywhere but other than that, the house looks okay.

With a bit of cleaning and some minor repairs, the house can look really beautiful again. We are now selling this house for Php1.5 Million. The price used to be Php2.5 but we decided to lower it due to Ondoy last year. The area is not normally flooded during heavy rains, only that one time when Ondoy hit Luzon. The water wasn't that high either (just up until my lower leg). The house is still intact and with a bit of cleaning and minor repairs, can look as good as new again. Check the before and after photos here:

Bulacan Bungalow House For Sale

After our little visit to Bulacan, we headed to Festival Mall, had some Sen Lek Thai Food which I didn't like then watched The Sorcerer's Apprentice. Peter said it's actually a remake of Walt Disney's cartoon show before starring Mickey Mouse. I liked it. The story was fast-paced and I liked the characters portrayed by Nicolas Cage and Jay Baruchel. I liked the way they ended it too. It was the smart thing to do. Otherwise, all that magical power would really seem useless and the movie would really seem stupid. Hehehe.

Come Sunday, I behaved myself (meaning, I didn't nag Peter about doing his chores) and true enough, in his own time and pace, he did everything I asked him to do and more! I woke up late (around 2 pm) because of the bummed tummy I had from eating that blasted Sen Lek Binagoongan Rice the previous night. When I went downstairs, Peter was gone. Turned out, he had the cars cleaned and left me with a scrumptious pasta dish --- Sauteed Mushroom in Red Wine Reduction.

When he came back, he helped me with the laundry without being asked. Then we went to the mall to do some groceries and shopping. When we went home, he made some eggplant parmigiana, some more pasta and made me a strawberry watermelon cocktail. We also hung out at our lanai where Peter played with the bongos and drums.

The rest of the evening, we watched Remember Me, the first movie (aside from Harry Potter) where I really liked Robert Pattinson's character. The story was riveting and compelling. I couldn't help but cry especially towards the end. Garfield eyes again for me.

Then we went upstairs. I finished reading The Carrie Diaries as Peter watched HBO. Before we slept, we recounted how we both behaved as husband and wife that weekend and we both agreed that we were definitely improving. Marriage may not be a job, but it really does involve a lot of work. This is why it's important that you truly love, like and are passionate about your spouse. Otherwise, it's so easy to take each other for granted.

Before I finally slept, I told Peter how much I appreciate him and everything he does for our marriage. Now I see that in everything he does, he just wants me to be happy. He makes me laugh every chance he gets and he gives me what I want almost all the time (unless I'm being really bratty). I know I'm lucky to have him. And I promise, I'll keep improving because God knows how much I love him too, in my own twisted, sexynomad way. ^_^


Peter "The Mordo" Juan said...


I love you too babe. Thanks for working this through with me. Know that no matter what, I will never let you go.

Jennifer Adams-Juan said...

Awww.. I love you too baby. Ikaw lang. Lage. :-)

Koryn said...

guys, can i melt now??? :)

Jennifer Adams-Juan said...

Koryn... awww... *hugs*

Micamyx said...


i love you both! this is just too real and sweet :) the differences might cause clash between the two of you, but i think that makes your relationship a bit more exciting :) love this post ate jen. i can't wait to write my own entry about married life.... SOON hehehe :P

i love how hardworking the two of you are on weekdays and how hard you party and travel on weekends! Sana makahanap ako ng ganito :D

Jennifer Adams-Juan said...

Thanks Mica... you are so sweet for saying those words. *melt*

We're both trying our best to be better at this and I think it's working. ^_^

You will find your own Prince Charming too. And perhaps you already found him.

I will be looking forward to your own marriage posts.... SOON.;-)


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