Thursday, November 11, 2010

Mental Babble


It gets harder before it gets easier.

I'm talking about life in general... well, at least the one that's in my head.

You see, things are actually great. My 8-year marriage with Peter has been sailing smoothly and it continues to do so (well, unless he's cheating behind my back which should not be the case coz I'd let him if he really wants to), our finances are in order, we're healthy (at least as far as I know), we have a couple of trips planned in the near future, my personal projects are slowly taking off, and everything just seems calm. But then there are moments during the day when I'd suddenly have these panic attacks coming from nowhere. Like I'd suddenly cry, I'd feel cold even if the weather is very hot and humid, and I couldn't breathe. One time I thought I was having a heart attack. Did I? Remind me to back off a bit from the fridge please... and the cigs! Bad, bad, bad! I know proper diet and exercise are in order.

One time, I asked Peter to have some of his horde (Yup, he has this supernatural ability where he can see dead people, elementals, spirits and stuff that normal people don't see and he has around 70+ of these wonderful beings just following him wherever he is.) stay with me just so I won't feel so alone and neurotic. I actually felt better after that. I may not see them, but I feel them roaming around our house and just making sure I am fine. Mental, isn't it? But that's that. I just hope they don't make so much noise by banging the bedroom door of my tenant. It freaks her out.

Going back to life getting harder before it gets easier, I guess for now, I just have to accept where I am emotionally. Then I should take steps to alter my emotional situation. Eating good food helps, as well as exercise, and laying off on the Black Bat cigs. I should also start counting my blessings and reading all those stuff about Happiness I've learned in the past.

It could also be that time of the year. Christmas has always been fun but every now and then, these freaky feelings creep in. It's so ironic considering how Halloween doesn't even freak me out... not one tiny bit. But Christmas? Gosh, all my neuroses surface the moment I hear carols in the air.

Anyway, I'm babbling. I guess I'm just feeling lonely. Maybe it's time to have a baby? ^_^

6 comments:

tammikuu2010 said...

maybe i can consider ME as a silent follower ms. jen but today i wanted to change that with this comment...i'm happy for your thoughts of havin' a baby :)

Jennifer Adams-Juan said...

Hi Tammi... I'm happier you're no longer one of my silent followers. :-)

carlamaldita said...

oh a baby! and i thought you were so opposed to the idea. good luck!

...haven't dropped by in a while.

Tiffany said...

hey jen! i agree with having a baby..after all, i myself have 3. and i tell ya, they consume most of your time that you won't have enough to even think about the word lonely! :)

Jennifer Adams-Juan said...

Carla, I'm not really opposed to the idea. It's just that, as long as I know I'm not yet ready, I just avoid getting preggy at all cost. ;-) But if it happens, then I'll love my baby with all my heart.:-)

Jennifer Adams-Juan said...

Tiffany! I salute you. You rock! I can only imagine what that must be like. :-)

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