Saturday, June 18, 2011

Caleruega Wedding, Thoughts and Other Things

I usually stop myself from writing about sad things in my life. If I can handle it by just being quiet about it, offering it during my meditations and tarot card readings, then that's what I do. I originally intended to just write about a wonderful wedding we attended at Caleruega last month...

The lovely bride, Jenny Torres...

It was a beautiful, breezy, clear summer day and it was Mark and Jenny's wedding. Mark is one of Peter's closest, oldest and dearest friends and out of all the weddings we attended before, this was the second one that really made me cry. It didn't help that the best man, JP, gave such a heartfelt, funny and unique speech; that the vows were delivered in joyous tears; that all their friends, including Peter, made a video that deserves an award; that the people who got invited to the wedding are those who truly mattered to them. In short, it was a wedding that many parents would be proud of witnessing... that couples would dream of having, including us.

The happiest groom on Earth, Mark Juan...

Suffice it to say that the ceremony was intimate and heartfelt. If there are two people who deserve to be very happy and blessed, then it's these two people who remained loving and in love (two very different things) despite the trials they faced in their long distance relationship of several years. I am happy for Mark and Jenny who who spent their honeymoon in Greece. May they be blessed even more!

Me and Jenny, the two Jennifer Juans...

I can count on my fingers the number of times I attended wedding ceremonies in my lifetime...
  1. There were two instances when I was a flower girl at the age of four.
  2. There's my second cousin's wedding in 1996. I had nothing nice to wear except that long black dress I usually wear to school. I didn't want to go but my mom won't let me not attend.
  3. There's Gab's wedding in 2004. It took several talks from my husband and father-in-law to inspire me to go.
  4. There's our college friend plus my office mate's weddings in 2007. They were both fun even if at first I didn't want to go.
  5. There's one of my best friend's wedding in 2008. For the first time, I really felt like going as long as she won't make me host, or sing or speak in public (got 2 out of 3 wishes).
  6. There's our college classmate's wedding which I didn't have any qualms about going, thank God!
  7. There's one of Peter's best friend's wedding in 2008 which I didn't feel like attending.
  8. There's my other girlfriend's wedding in 2010. Peter and I ended up fighting in the car while parking at the venue.
  9. Then just last month, like I said, it was Mark and Jenny's wedding. That time, I psyched myself to happily attend the event a month before the actual date. I just wanted to stop feeling bad about going to weddings.

Me with my husband of nine years, Peter.

Whenever possible, I am usually the girl who dodges weddings, particularly traditional ones. I've been trying to analyze for years why this is so and I always come up with same thoughts about the matter.

My wealthy albeit frugal grandfather never had one with my grandmother and stepmother and my poor parents never had one either. Throwing big weddings never became part of our family's traditions. Growing up, I was never like the other girls who dreamt about meeting her prince charming and having that perfect wedding at the end of the courtship. On the contrary, I wanted to become a nun, if not, I just wanted to grow old, secure and healthy.

Traditional and grand weddings, for me before, seemed like such shams. You spend so much money in one day which you probably saved up your entire life (unless you're from a very wealthy family or at least know some wealthy people who can sponsor the momentous occasion), you invite people (who you sometimes don't even know nor have a personal relationship with) who most often than not end up criticizing your dress, the buffet, the vows, and the ceremony; worse of all in some cases, you end up getting separated with the person you solemnly swore to spend the rest of your life with, in just a few years. I dunno... weddings make me sad.

However, in the last decade, I realized that the other reason why weddings make me feel this way is because somewhere down the road, just when I started hoping that I could start dreaming about having a nice little church or beach wedding too, it just never happened. Peter's mom (the only person on the planet who wanted a beach wedding for us and who was helping us prepare for it in 2002) succumbed to cancer, we got caught up in our careers, whenever we'd have extra cash, we always spend it on travels, savings also went to real estate and other property investments... the time was just never right and it didn't seem sensible anymore. It also didn't help that we both came from dysfunctional families so we don't really have that traditional support of people who are supposed to help us with all the preparations... emotional and otherwise.

Honestly, a big part of me somehow knows that the dream might be over for us. Peter and I are very practical people and unless we come up with big money that we can just throw at a ceremony, then it might never really happen for us. I am still hoping for the opposite though. But should it not be the case, at least we both can say that even if we never had the wedding of our dreams, we do have the best of marriages we know. For now, that's enough... it should be enough.

See related posts:

Thoughts on Our 9th Wedding Anniversary

Eight Years of Not-So-Pure Bliss

For more photos of the wedding, please click the link below:

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